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heaven's not a place that you go when you die

It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive

4/5/06 10:13 pm - Fill it out!

YOU

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Place of residence:
4. What makes you happy:
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. Do you read my lj:
7. If you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:


RECOMMEND

1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band:
4. A song:
5. An album:


PLUS

1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Give me your myspace & aim s/n:
4. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you.

4/3/06 10:34 pm - Friends Only



I feel like I need to make this friends only.
So from now on it is.

3/25/06 01:44 am - Surveys I stole from Bobo

How Stereotypical You Are...
The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?: not so much anymore
Do you party a lot? How often?: not really, occasionally when i see my rock stars
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?: nope
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?: hmmm maybe 5
Do you skip classes? How often?: haha...um well...too much
Do you have casual sex? Protected?: not recently, yes
Do you steal?: no
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?: um no
Do you drool over celebrities?: no, well brenden urie and brandon boyd
Do you watch a lot of TV?: not really
Do you ever watch the News?: no
Do you even care about world issues?: eh.
Do you read books often?: when i have the time
Are you failing a lot of your classes?: no
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?: well...marist friends, yeah i guess. friends from home, not as much as i should
Do you smoke cigarettes?: no
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?: nope
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?: yes
Do you cuss a lot?: too fucking much
Are you desperate to fit in?: no
Are you intelligent?: i suppose
The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?: no
Black eyeliner?: sometimes
Black eyeshadow?: no
Black trenchcoat?: no
Black boots?: no
Black fishnets?: no
Black nail polish?: sometimes
Cigarettes?: no
Heavy metal music?: no
Marilyn Manson?: no
Kittie?: no
Cradle of Filth?: no
Constant frown and perpetual angst?: haha lmfao
Do you like to be seen as: what's the rest of the question?
Are you an intellectual?: eh.
An atheist?: no
Horrible home life?: not really
Hopelessly depressed?: sometimes
Suffering with suicidal idealations?: no
Self-mutilation?: nnnnnooooo, god no....noooo
The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?: no
Big black boots?: no
Mohawk?: no
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]: no
Loud, confident and opinionated?: sometimes
Wild hair colors?: i've done that
NOFX?: no
Rancid?: no
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?: not that much
A: ???
The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?: something high
Do you watch a lot of sports?: eh. baseball more than anything
Play a lot of sports?: used to
Talk a lot about sports?: not really
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?: a lot of things
Are you arrogant?: i can be
Are you a male or female whore?: um what?
Are you homophobic?: no
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?: no
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?: haha
Boobs = yes?: oh yeah, gotta love the tits
Parties = yes?: eh.
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes?: haha
The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?: not really
Have you ever been on a diet?: sort of
How much did you lose?: maybe 1 or 2 lbs. I suck at dieting
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?: definitely not
Make yourself throw up?: no
Make-up?: sometimes, usually mascara
Low-cut tops?: no
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]: C
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?: i think i do
Giggle a lot?: no
What's the deal with boys?: i love them
Thongs?: no
Pretty bras?: of course
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?: sometimes
Who's the weaker sex?: either . or
Are you a feminist?: eh.
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?: no
How often do you shave your legs?: ummm...once a week
How about your armpits?: two times a week
Are you emotional?: yes
Especially when on your period?: no, i'm happier and nicer then
This Or That [Oh, that old coconut.]
Originality or Acceptance?: originality
Independence or Companionship?: companionship
Stability or Freedom?: stability
Personal or Interpersonal?: personal
Introvert or Extrovert?: introvert
Popularity or Isolation?: popularity
Unique or Loved?: loved
Understood or Individual?: understood
You or Them?: eh.
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d


1) How many keys are on your keychain? Two

2) What curse word do you use the most? damn

3) Do you own an ipod? No

4) Who on your myspace top eight do you talk to the most? hmmph... Laura, Allison, or Melissa

5) What time is your alarm clock set for? Depends on what time i have class so M 10:30, T 9:00, W 9:00, T 12:00, F 9:00

6) How many suitcases do you own? i don't actually own any

7) Do you wear flip-flop sandals even when it's cold outside? nah

8) Where do you buy your groceries from? Wherever

9) Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? take the picture

10) What was the last movie you watched? I think it was The Libertine

11) Do any of your friends have children? mm no

12) If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy? a ticket to Puerto Rico

13) Has anyone ever called you lazy? that's how i refer to myself

14) Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? yeah...eh.

15) What CD is currently in your CD player? One Fell Swoop by The Spill Canvas

16) Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? regular

17) Has anyone told you a secret this week? On Wednesday, but it was out of the bag by that night

18) When was the last time someone hit on you? Eh.

19) What did you have for dinner? a bagel and fries (oh so fucking healthy)

20) Do you wear hoodies often? yeah, i own too many

21) Can you whistle? nope

22) Have you ever participated in a protest? I had a sit in once. I forget the reason why

23) Who was the last person to call you? Kent

24) What is your favourite ride at an amusement park? any water rides

25) Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Sure. Such is life

26) What area code at you in right now? 845

27) Did you watch cartoons as a child? yep

28) How big is your local mall? it's a good size but nothing too gigantic

29) How many siblings do you have? One.

30) Are you shy around the opposite sex? sometimes but not usually

31) What is your biggest regret? considering the way i've felt lately, the conversations i had about two - three weeks ago

32) Have you ever had jamba juice? no, tell me what it is!

33) When was the last time you laughed so hard that your sides hurt? Probably last night when my friend said he was going to punch his girlfriend in the face, oh you had to be there

34) What movie do you know every line to? Closer, Romeo & Juliet, etc.

35) Do you own any band t-shirts? Incubus, Fall Out Boy, Hellogoodbye, Panic! at the Disco. I think that's it

36) When was your last plane ride? nevaaaa

37) How many chairs are at your dining room table? four at home

38) What is your favourite salad dressing? plain old italian

39) Do you read for fun? when i have the time to

40) Can you speak any languages other than English? some Spanish

41) Do you do your own dishes? occasionally when im home

42) What color is your bedroom painted? here it's white, at home it's blue

43) Have you ever cried in public? yeah, im a sap

44) Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? laptop

45) Which do you make: wishes or plans? Wishes.

46) Are you always trying to learn new things? Sometimes.

47) Do you currently want any piercings or tattoos? a few

48) Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? Eh.

49) Can you skip rocks? not well

50) Have you ever been to Jamaica? No.

51)What to snack on at the movie theatres? Junior Mints and popcorn

52)Who was your favourite teacher? Farrell and Loeffler

53)Have you ever dated someone out of your race? um yeah, Justin

54)What is the weather like? fucking cold!

55)Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? uummm...i'd consider it

56)Do you have an online journal? a what?

57)What was your favourite class in high school? Student Assist

58)Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes? i've never experiences

59)What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite (or desired) sex? a good, odd, sense of humor

60)Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive (unattractive by model standards)? yes

61)When was the last time you slept on the floor? hm...im not sure....over the summer probably

62)What is your favourite alcoholic drink? Amaretto or Southern Comfort

63)Does your closest Starbucks have a drive-thru? I don't think so

64)Do you like your current living arrangement? some days...

65)What is your mother's hometown? Livingston Manor

66)How many hours of sleep do you need to function? Three or 12...i'm on a weird scale

67) Do you eat breakfast daily? Not here

68) What was the last thing to scare you? my roomates phone ringing

69) Are your days full and fast-paced? they have been lately

70) Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? oh of course

71) What is your favourite fruit? kiwi or cantaloupe

72) Do you pay attention to calories on the back of food packages? god no

73) How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 18

74) Are you picky about spelling and grammar? yes.

75) Do you believe in life on other planets? sure, why not

76) Have you ever been to six flags? yes

77) Who was the last person to piss you off? let's not get into that. 

78) Do you believe that god has a gender? blah.

79) What was the last thing you ate? chicken flavored rice 

80) Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? Opposite, that's why i have no one to room with next year. Fan-fucking-tastic 

81) What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? who the hell knows. i've seen a few pics so i think it was either a flower or a bumble bee

82) How did your parents pick your name? I don't actually know / can't remember the story

84) Do you like mustard? Sure

85) What do you tell yourself when times get hard? blah. you'll get through it kiddo

86) Would you ever sky dive? probably not

87) Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back? any way that i fall asleep is a good way

88) What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself? Natalie Portman / Alice from Closer (except for the whole stripper part)

89) Have you ever bid for something on eBay? yep

90) What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant? lalalalalalaaaa

91) Do you enjoy giving hugs? oh yeah

92) Would you consider yourself to be fashionable? nah

93) Do you own a digital camera? Yes

94) If someone had no interesting in dating, expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? I don't understand this damn question...wait...is it supposed to say: If someone had no interesting in dating, bute expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? then i would feel special

95) What celebrities have you been compared to? No one.

96) What is your favourite star wars character? r2d2

97) Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call you but they never do? Yes.

98) What books, if any, have made you cry? um i dont know if any have made me cry

99) Do you think you're attractive? eh no

100) What are you allergic to? i dont really know

101) Are you a jealous person? i can be

102) What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? it's better

103) Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat? No 

104) If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been? Matthew

105) Did you ever celebrate pi day in school? wtf? no

106) If you were an outsider coming into your room for the first time, what would you assume about you? that i love my friends and that i must be patient and very tolerable to live with such messy roomates 

107) Are you Irish in any way? no

108) What color are your socks? white

109) What's set as your desktop right now? a crazy looking flower

110) What is the last magazine you read? i think it was Teen People

111) Most recent artist you've discovered? The Spill Canvas or Gym Class Heroes. Not Sure. TSC = Fucking Love

112) The last concert you went to? stay away from the local scene emily! just kidding. It was Dashboard Confessional.

113) Do you want to change the world? fuck it

114) When you walk into the room, do people notice you? I hope not

115) Do you have political views? Eh.

116) Do you write poetry? occasionally

117) What's your favourite lyric at the moment? "Crack open a bottle of red. Let's toast to this here bed. Offer up your hand to this one night, two month, three year stand."

118) Your view on anorexia? eat biatch

119) Something you would like to win an award for? being fancy

120) Posters on your wall? lots at home, none here

121) Something really spontaneous you've done that you'll never forget? heh.

122) Do you keep a diary? mm no

123) Name a great memory of the summer. The first rock star party in the summer of '04. my graduation party. the night before graduation. etc.

124) Do you consider yourself a daredevil? No.

125) Do you want any tattoos? some

126) The last time you ate pizza and what was on it? Wednesday. Pepperoni. 

127) The last time you hid behind a door to jump out at someone? hmmm not sure

3/24/06 03:03 pm - One Night, Two Month, Three Year Stand

I really want to go to sleep right now. This is intense. I've never been so sleepy in my life. It isn't even like I only got 2-3 hours of sleep. I got around 6. There's no reason for this tired bullshit. God damn it.

Anyway, it's been pretty busy around here. SPC is a bitch ( as in great, but a lot of work.) The past 2 days have been SPC, SPC, SPC!!! and today isn't going to be any different. I haven't done any work either cause I'm just too god damn lazy to do it, eh oh well. I have a whole entire weekend for that.

The big announcement on Wednesday was that we're having two spring concerts this year and both of them are absolutely insane. O.A.R. is only a week away and the stage building starts on Thursday night. So basically the OAR thing is going on from 7 or 8 Thursday until about 2:30am Saturday. It's presented by Playstation and MLB so there's going to be this gigantic wall of screens in the back of the gym where you can play all sorts of video games and they're giving away all sorts of free stuff I hear. Fan-fucking-tastic. *Rolls eyes* Oh well I love what I'm doing so I really shouldn't complain. Oh announcement.... our second spring concert is part of the mtvU Campus Invasion tour. Now keep in mind, thanks to this tour I was able to see Nickleback and Default four years ago and then Incubus last year. So yeah...flippin sweet. Anyway, this year is Motion City Soundtrack, Straylight Run, and HelloGoodbye. It's an all day outdoor event and Mtv is going to be here filming and yadda yadda yadda. Another grrreat day *rolls eyes again.* Don't get me wrong, I'm ridiculously excited. It's just going to be a lot of work and take up a lot of time.

Oh and not to mention, the mtv show is the weekend before Bamboozle so it's like a quick sneak peak of the show. That's pretty cool.

Oh and I'm going to another concert on April 7th. Coheed & Cambria, Avenged Sevenfold, and Head Automatica. hah at least I don't have to do work at that one. 

So it's like:
March 31 - O.A.R.
April 7 - Coheed & Cambria, Avenged Sevenfold, Head Automatica
April 30 - Motion City Soundtrack, Straylight Run, HelloGoodbye
May 6 & 7 - Bamboozle...

wow I'm going to be pretty much dead that entire month. but hell it's worth it.

3/20/06 11:15 pm - No, Heaven's Not A Place You Go When You Die

...It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard
And live for the moment now"

Ugh...Spring Break sucked tremendously but I don't even want to get into that. It's all on MySpace. I'm not typing it all out again. 

Today was my first day back here. I thought 'wow maybe it'll go back to the way things were and i won't be so down on myself.' Well so far it's been better. Besides this morning of course. I get back and the room is a complete mess. There's stuff all over the floor. It was impossible to walk to the opposite end of the room. So aggravating. 

It's been better though. I've been able to keep my mind off of most stuff. I was good when I kept busy but then I finished everything up by 9 and have been bummed ever since. =(

I suppose I'll have more to say some other time. My words keep escaping me.

3/12/06 02:45 pm - Sometimes I go a Little Crazy

So I'm home for Spring Break. Nothing too eventful is going on...well then again...

Wednesday I didn't do much of anything, just sort of hung out around the house.
Thursday I didn't do anything either.
Friday I went out to the Villa for a "birthday bash" and it was ghey. Yes - ghey. My good bisexual friends at school told me that's the proper way to spell it. Anyway, Idk...there was just some "shady" stuff that happened and it wasn't too enjoyable. Afterwards we went on a diner trip and it was mmm mmm yummy!
Saturday I had to work but was done by one. So I took a nap because I'm lazy, passed out for 3 1/2 hours and finally went to the diner again. Laura came and joined us and we hung out. We later went to Wal-Mart to pick up some storage stuff so that I can clean my room for the next 5 days of my life - ick.

That's been about it. Nothing all too eventful. Some people are confusing as hell but w/e I don't want to get into that now. 
I think I'm going to play Mario Party 7 now and stay in my pjs all day! =)

2/28/06 05:36 pm

WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME THAT JAMES MOVED? AHHHH

i honestly almost just had a heart attack. my  breathing has never been so weird...

today is bad






RIP Trevor
Miss you and love you so much

2/21/06 10:14 pm - Good Girls Got To Get Down With Them Gangstas

haha...that title alone makes me a little bit happier...

i'm in a crabby mood. that's all there is to it.

so anyway, it's time to bitch time. I absolutely fucking love going on MySpace and seeing people kissing their boyfriend or girlfriend. MMM ain't that like some major softcore porn. If you're going to post it, at least take some clothes off god damn it.   =)

So I've never posted a pic of Kent and I making out. Would anyone like to see that? I can certainly arrange it this weekend. Oh wait, the answer is NO. Because no one wants to see that on MySpace. Half the time they don't even want to see pics of the person who owns the MySpace. But whatev, who am I to really say what the general public wants. I'm just expressing my bitchy opinion. 

Maybe I could arrange a different pic. Maybe one of Doug and I making out. Hell that would at least be interesting. It would be scandalous as fuck. Two affairs, that would amuse me.

God damn, my chest is shaking I'm so aggitated. Haha got to love my fucking temper. It doesn't even make any sense...I just fucking want to go home. 3 more days, just 3 more days...

2/19/06 01:58 am - Your Eyes Are An Undiscovered Ocean Far Away

Things are better now. I've come to realize that Doug is a great friend and that he's in love with his girlfriend. There's nothing I can do about it and I should just be happy enough with being his friend.
On another note, Kent and I are back together. I'm really happy this time. I don't know, things have just changed and they've definitely changed for the better =)
So we all (Lindsey, Caz, Courtney and Nicole) went out for my birthday Friday night, well out to dinner. It was a lot of fun. We took some pics on the way back...they're on here http://community.webshots.com/album/547689118hQFinc I'm too lazy to upload them onto here.
Hmm what else....classes have been sort of tough. I've definitely been staying busy which is nice but super stressful. Like this weekend, I had to have a paper written, reading, and comprehension questions done by today. That definitely didn't happen. I still have the reading and questions to do. The worst part is tomorrow is going to be soooo hectic. Lewis Black is coming to our school and now that I've joined SPC, I have to go and help set up for the event. This includes setting up the stage, lighting, chairs, tickets, etc. It's going to be a crazy long day. That's why I should probably be sleeping right now...eh oh well.
So I suppose that little a.d.d. blurb will suffice as a decent update.
mmm later!

1/27/06 11:10 pm

So I've discovered that my livejournal works perfectly fine in good old livingston manor...
fucking Marist College....all I ask is to be able to view my livejournal
rawr!

So anyway, I'm home. It's lovely. Yay!
I'm not going back until Monday. Buuuut I have to go back to go to a doctor's appt. Definitely not fun! Pshhht

Alright....that's all

1/27/06 12:01 pm

It seems to be that I can't go on anyone's livejournal on my computer. No matter whose name I click on, that page pops up "Page Not Found"
grrr...
I guess when I'm home this weekend I'll see if it's still screwed up on that computer too...
If it is....then i dont really know what the hell to do.
I miss functioning through my page =/

1/26/06 05:07 pm

okay so now it wont even let me reply to comments
wonderful...
i think i might have to make a new livejournal :-/

1/26/06 04:42 pm

So for some reason, I can't view my livejournal. Is anyone else having this problem? If I click to view my livejournal it keeps popping up "page not found." I can do basically everything else on the site, such as update, etc. but I can't view my page...growl

1/20/06 03:31 pm - Let the torturing ensue. My soul is useless without you

I have a headache......bleh

So anyway, I've now officially been to all of my classes. Not so bad, should be an interesting semester. I already have work to do in every class so I might not have as much free time as last semester which would be fantastic. Last semester was soooooo boring. I finally got all my books today so it should be a fun, homework filled weekend - blah. Oh I had a quiz today and completely forgot to study for it....god, idiot! I think I did okay though. Should be a grade above an 85 I'm thinking (hoping)

Last night I went out to dinner and to the movies. I went and saw Tristan & Isolde. Fantastic, by the way. I loved it. Yay yay yay!!! lol I might go to the movies again tonight, but I'm not entirely sure.

hmm...what else....idk thats about it.

I still miss James.

I still havent seen Chris...

But there is always time.

1/17/06 05:46 pm - Forget your high society, I'm soaking it in kerosene

So I'm back here at college.

Break was good. Lots of fun was had. Made it tricky to leave because after hanging out with my friends, I realized how shitty it really is being here. Oh well I guess.

My first two classes were okay. Two more tomorrow. Everyone keeps saying this semester will go by like a flash. I can only hope so. I'm not going home until the 27th. I'm going to attempt to stay here for longer periods of time. Let's see how long that lasts.

I'm already pissed about being here. I hate that I can consider someone a friend and yet she keeps me out of everything. She doesn't even acknowledge me as a friend, so you know what...fuck it. I don't give a shit anymore. I guess I'll have to go the next 4 months without friends...that's too bad...I don't even really care.

The only thing I'm looking forward to is seeing Chris one of these days. Idk why...maybe I'll try to make a friend.

I really miss James <3

12/15/05 11:56 pm - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

So everything is pretty much done for the semester except for the final from hell.

Unfortunately, the weather is supposed to be absolutely shitty tomorrow. This means that hell may not take place at 8am but possibly at 3:30pm which would throw off my whole entire life. I'm supposed to leave at 10:30 tomorrow. Grrrrr....stupid weather.
It isn't even all that bad for me. If my roomate's gets postponed, she'll have to take it at 6pm (the exam is originally scheduled for 10:30.) This whole thing just majorly sucks right now.

Worst part is, I dont give a damn about this final. It can rot in hell. I'm willing to not take it at all cause I know i cant do good on it. I've studied for a fairly solid 3-4 hour period and have absorbed absolutely nothing. Yeah for having the worst Philosophy class ever!

12/12/05 12:21 pm - Week looks like hell

So this is my week

Monday (today) -
*10:30 College Writing Final - done
*Vocab for Art final
*Start 6-8 page communication final

Tuesday -
*Vocab
*Comm final
*Shopping and a movie?
*Getting "silly" with the girls

Wednesday -
*Get Lit finals back and find out grade
*Vocab and studying for Art final
*Comm final if it isn't done yet
*Maybe study philosophy

Thursday -
*8am Art final
*Comm final if it still isn't done yet
*Study philosophy
*Shopping and a movie if I didn't go on Tuesday

Friday -
*8am Philosophy final from hell
*Hand in Comm final if I didn't already
*Go home at 10:30

So yeah, that's it. I'm sure I'll be playing video games here and there and just avoiding work / studying all together. I really only made this list so that I would remember what I need to do this week. Yeah, I actually forgot that I had a 6-8 page paper due for Communication Principles, nice right?

btw, I really hate Christmas...

12/8/05 09:13 pm - Hugs and Kisses

On my info page you can give me hugs and kisses...

get the hint? lol

12/5/05 11:23 pm

Just wanted to say that I'm no longer going to the concert on Wednesday :-\

 

 

 

RIP Shawn
Miss and love you more and more each day. Can't believe it's been a year without your smile and your laughter.
Always in our hearts
2.6.87 - 12.5.04

12/4/05 12:23 am - Doing the boredom dance!

Wow I am so flipping bored...

I was supposed to go to the movies last night...that was axed due to bad weather. Plans were rescheduled for today - that was axed due to lack of a vehicle. All I want to do is see this flippin Harry Potter movie damn it. lol. I was also supposed to go to a party tonight but I didnt.... :-/ I probably would have drank too much anyway and made an ass out of myself...so its good that I didnt go

Anyway, this week is going to be rough. I have four papers to write, a presentation on Thursday, and lots and lots of reading to do. Unfortunately, I dont really give a shit about any of it and will probably put all of it off until the last minute. Ahh procrastination, isnt it lovely? I do need to get some stuff done though. There's a basketball game Tuesday night that I kind of want to go to AND fucking Wednesday is going to be a-w-e-s-o-m-e!! I'm supposed to be going to see Ill Nino and Opiate for the Masses. I'm so flippin excited....whooo.....my heart's beating a little fast right now....

So I guess thats all thats really going on. I should be writing one of those papers right now since im so bored.....but....thats not going to happen....oh well....

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